15 OCT, 2024
Back in August, I released an album called the show. It’s an album that had been three years in the making (the oldest songs date back to early 2021).
I was supposed to write about it back then, but life really took over and became hectic.
Just before the album came out, I released a little piece as part of my “bedroom presentation” series that I do on my youtube channel. It’s called IMPOSTER. Now, imposter syndrome is something I only kind of recently began to understand that I have. It’s such an incredibly cripling dichotomy in my brain, having to balance wanting to put myself out there and share my art with as many people as possible, with fully believing that I don’t deserve to be heard more than anyone else. It hits the most when I have to sell myself in person, or when I have to brag about myself. I feel like it’s a product of an over correction of my really big ego that I used to have back in the day. I guess the penulum swung too far in the other direction.
I think I’m good at music... in a vacuum. When it comes time to justify my existence among other artists, I can’t. I don’t know if I necessarily need to - comparison has always been the thief of joy, but listeners are still making a choice when they’re scrolling through albums to listen to. I’m really confident that my music does the quality control for me. I make some really good songs, I think! I put on really good shows! I shouldn’t need to sell myself, just put the music in your earhole or just come to the gig. But that’s not how the industry works. I’m constantly putting myself in positions where I feel like I have to justify my music’s existence to a listener. Why should you, a person, listen to me?? Why should you, a label, sign me? Why should you, a publisher, entrust your finances in me? In truth, I do not know...
But it doesn’t stop me from making stuff I really like!
I’m incredibly proud of ‘the show’ It’s my first big project. Obviously we haven’t started the 7 album cycle yet, so I kind of have felt a little strange calling this an album, but I guess technically that is what it is so yeah. The show is about what means to see other people, what it means to be seen, and the implications of empathy and perception amongst us all. It’s just a bit of societal commentary, you know the vibes. And it’s got some of my best songs on there in my opinion!
I don’t necessarily want to take the time here to disect the album here, I’d like for you to do that, and let me know what you think is going on all up in there. I just wanted to mention that I think it’s interesting how the meaning behind a piece of art can escape even the creator. Because I had no idea of the connection between IMPOSTER and ‘the show’ until a couple weeks after they both were out.
The album will most likely not be heard by many people at this point in time. I’ve honestly come to terms with the fact that this will be the case for a while with my music. It’s an incredibly hidden gem, that will at some point get uncovered. And there you will see all my internal turmoil and imposter syndrome-y nonsense. I really like it, that’s all that matters to me right now. I’ve come to terms with showcasing my emotions a little bit more openly. I think that yields the best stuff. One day, an album I create will have incredible cultural impact. I’m not sure which one it’ll be, but it’ll be one of them. As long as I like it as much as I do this one, I don’t mind which one it is. And I have to be ready for people to see me. A lot of people. At that point I’ll no longer be an imposter, I will be the owner. Can you imagine...
Ah well. If you’ve heard the album, thank you so much. I hope it resonates with you as much as it does with me. Take care!
I was supposed to write about it back then, but life really took over and became hectic.
Just before the album came out, I released a little piece as part of my “bedroom presentation” series that I do on my youtube channel. It’s called IMPOSTER. Now, imposter syndrome is something I only kind of recently began to understand that I have. It’s such an incredibly cripling dichotomy in my brain, having to balance wanting to put myself out there and share my art with as many people as possible, with fully believing that I don’t deserve to be heard more than anyone else. It hits the most when I have to sell myself in person, or when I have to brag about myself. I feel like it’s a product of an over correction of my really big ego that I used to have back in the day. I guess the penulum swung too far in the other direction.
I think I’m good at music... in a vacuum. When it comes time to justify my existence among other artists, I can’t. I don’t know if I necessarily need to - comparison has always been the thief of joy, but listeners are still making a choice when they’re scrolling through albums to listen to. I’m really confident that my music does the quality control for me. I make some really good songs, I think! I put on really good shows! I shouldn’t need to sell myself, just put the music in your earhole or just come to the gig. But that’s not how the industry works. I’m constantly putting myself in positions where I feel like I have to justify my music’s existence to a listener. Why should you, a person, listen to me?? Why should you, a label, sign me? Why should you, a publisher, entrust your finances in me? In truth, I do not know...
But it doesn’t stop me from making stuff I really like!
I’m incredibly proud of ‘the show’ It’s my first big project. Obviously we haven’t started the 7 album cycle yet, so I kind of have felt a little strange calling this an album, but I guess technically that is what it is so yeah. The show is about what means to see other people, what it means to be seen, and the implications of empathy and perception amongst us all. It’s just a bit of societal commentary, you know the vibes. And it’s got some of my best songs on there in my opinion!
I don’t necessarily want to take the time here to disect the album here, I’d like for you to do that, and let me know what you think is going on all up in there. I just wanted to mention that I think it’s interesting how the meaning behind a piece of art can escape even the creator. Because I had no idea of the connection between IMPOSTER and ‘the show’ until a couple weeks after they both were out.
The album will most likely not be heard by many people at this point in time. I’ve honestly come to terms with the fact that this will be the case for a while with my music. It’s an incredibly hidden gem, that will at some point get uncovered. And there you will see all my internal turmoil and imposter syndrome-y nonsense. I really like it, that’s all that matters to me right now. I’ve come to terms with showcasing my emotions a little bit more openly. I think that yields the best stuff. One day, an album I create will have incredible cultural impact. I’m not sure which one it’ll be, but it’ll be one of them. As long as I like it as much as I do this one, I don’t mind which one it is. And I have to be ready for people to see me. A lot of people. At that point I’ll no longer be an imposter, I will be the owner. Can you imagine...
Ah well. If you’ve heard the album, thank you so much. I hope it resonates with you as much as it does with me. Take care!